The other day when I saw my momma for lunch,
as I was walking up she started to well up with tears.
"Momma, what's wrong??" I asked her.
holding back her tears (terribly I might add),
she said, "you-r-re just sso beautiful. I adore you,"
and starting crying softly,
laughing at herself as the waiter walked up.
This afternoon I get a phone call from her in the middle of the day.
This is unlike her, so wanting to make sure everything was ok,
I answered while at work.
In a very emphatic and excitable voice she exclaims (more than asks),
"Have you thought about modeling when you're in Paris?!?!
You know, to put yourself through school."
BAHahaHAha! yeah right, ma.
I couldn't stop laughing.
Yes Mom, I'm going to go to the fashion capitol of the world,
FLOODED with models (of which I am not),
and just pick up some modeling gigs here and there to pay for design school.
I think I kind of hurt her feelings. (I didn't mean too, she was so excited about her 'idea', but it's ridiculous. i mean, really.)
she is so cute in how much she believes I am truly capable of anything.
I often get overwhelmed by the amount of beautiful girls in the world.
Not necessarily in a jealous way really, but just an overwhelmed way.
I mean goddamn, there are A LOT of gorgeous ladies out there.
My friends are all stunning (yes I'm bragging, but look at them),
I see at least a few girls everyday that are truly so beautiful,
And when it comes to modeling, media, advertising- welp you can just forget about it:
perfect skin and bodies and hair and lips and everything else.
Most of the time I'm able to just appreciate all the beauty that is in the world,
seeing a person in the same way you would a sunset or art,
with a glorious appreciation for their existence and aesthetic.
Sometimes though, I get so lost in the sea of beautiful, kind & talented women that I just feel like drowning,
or swimming against the current as a mere act of defiance, to stand out in my own way.
(alas, I'm sure there would be plenty of beautiful girls doing this too).
These recent interactions with my momma however,
have made me realize something that I should not be too quick to take for granted.
(or dismiss so hastily).
That although I can't 'do sexy',
and I'm a little too direct to pull off 'cute',
and I'm far too silly to be 'mysterious',
and I don't have any strikingly exotic features or skin tone,
and that most of the time I'm just a hot mess with mismatching layers & an abundance of accessories.
I have something that no one else has.
I have my momma.
A woman who thinks I could be a model in Paris,
who is moved to tears by the sight of me,
who truly believes that I am the most beautiful girl in the world.
And although I assert with 100% confidence that I know I am NOT,
someone thinks I am. (even if it is my own mother).
and that's important.
and that should make me feel beautiful enough.
and talented enough.
and kind enough.
don't forget that you are stunningly beautiful (or ridiculously handsome),
you, as you. always.