Friday, June 15, 2012

wanderlusting, less.

i'm a dreamer 
a traveler
a doer
a goer

right now, 
and perhaps for the last 4 years,
i've been learning
(or have been forced to learn)
an important lesson:

so i've (painstakingly) stepped into a place,
where i'm taking today,
as today,
for today.
(come what may, and finding the goodness there)

i'm living my life 5 minutes at a time.
God willing.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

i'll take the stairs

t'day as i was leaving our admin office downtown,
i was taking the outdoor stairs (like i always do),
and mannnn it was warm t'day.
(our office is on the 10th floor).
by the time i got to the bottom,
i'm sure my face was beet red.
i was in 3 inch heels,
boyfriend trousers, a tank, a blouse & a blazer.
i was carrying my laptop bag,
my (oversized) purse (stuffed with books and planners and things about france),
my lunch bag full of snacks,
and 2 drinks (an iced coffee & a water).

as i was turning into the parking garage,
(panting i'm sure),
i ran into one of my clinical directors.
"good lord, is the elevator broken?- cuz i'm going home!"
"oh no," i responded, "i just prefer the stairs."
"a phobia? elevator trauma?"
(these are half jokes/ half real comments in my profession).
...and then i told him the following story:

about 10 years ago i ran into a man
who was in a wheelchair.
we started chatting
and i found out that he used to be sooo active.
like crazy mountain climber- white water rafting active.
i asked him if there was one thing,
any one thing he could do again with legs,
what would it be?
he said, "take the stairs. i'd always take the stairs."
"what?! -out of everything? why?"
he told me that it wasn't the crazy things he missed,
it was the day to day things.
he said he would give anything just to 'take the stairs' again.
that he never realized he took his legs for granted.
so- from that point forward, 
i told myself that as long as i had legs,
(and i was able)
i would take the stairs.
it was some way that i could honor this man's life,
and be reminded of the things that i take for granted.
it could be a way to say, 
"thank you for my legs."
and for aches and pains that remind me that i am fully alive.

"so i take the stairs," i told my CCD.

he just stared at me.
finally he said, "it's hot, so i'm going to take the elevator up, 
but i'll think about that story, and be grateful for my legs."
"that's great," i said, and walked to my car.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Saturday, June 9, 2012

because it's ok..

"It's much easier to not know things sometimes. Things change and friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and than make the choice to share it with other people. You can't just sit their and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to be who I really am. And I'm going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. I don't know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It's just different. Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it's okay to feel things. I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite. I feel infinite." 

Saturday, June 2, 2012

{and the tender, i'll carry to their bed}

we're the kind of guys..

"ta- we're the kind of guys where sometimes we
just stop and think to ourselves: f*ck, i'm such a f*cking f*ck!
i gotta get the f*ck outta here before i f*ck up her life forever!"