Sunday, March 30, 2014

"they were involved in that awkward procedure of getting to unknow each other."






{time was passing like a hand waiving from a train I wanted to be on.
I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you.}
-Jonathan Safran Foer







art school : where everyone is a creative genius...or just weird.




what.





i'm as big a fan of self-expression as anyone, 
but i mean, what.




Sunday, March 23, 2014

for the health of it



i believe that it takes a full year to really settle into a place.
especially a foreign place.
to know your way,
to make friends,
to not feel lonely.
to breathe deeply and experience every season.

oliver and i joined a running group today.
for the health of it ;)
by ourselves.
everyone else is french,
or a transplant like us.

we meet on sunday mornings at the park,
some with our dogs,
 and we run.
we sprint.
we jog.
we speak about cute kids and the weather.
and we go home.

it feels natural,
it feels a little less foreign.
it feels friendly.
(which is NOT an easy thing to achieve in Paris.)




and my human dog, oliver- who sunbathes on the bench & not the ground..












Sunday, March 16, 2014

songs i've written or whatever



Jardin



I fell so hard I skinned my knees
Hot tears running down my dusty cheeks
That weeping willow, she’s a laughing at me
Dancing and swaying in the summer breeze

I swear these statues they can see
The marble a pretense of reality
Dainty fleurs are bloomin an’ dancing,
With the field mice under their feet

A man sits behind his pipe and news
Moths flying outta his pocket
He looks like a ghost in a hat
He looks right through me

I fell so hard I skinned my knees
Hot tears running down my dusty cheeks
That weeping willow, she’s a laughing at me
Dancing and swaying in the summer breeze

I’ve developed a diversion to models
And tall Slavic blondes
They’re all crazy anyway,
Or maybe it’s me

It sits in my mouth like metal
Those years of loves lost
The road ahead untraveled,
My knees to weak to walk

The statue reaches down,
And she whispers
The willow extends me her hand,
“we’ll get there together, my child.
Most days you already have.”


That weeping willow, she’s a laughing at me
Dancing and swaying in the summer breeze
Well that weeping willow, she’s a laughing at me
Dancing and swaying in the summer breeze



excelsior!





faith can move mountains,
if you want it to.
and you have to want it.
you have to give a damn.
many damns.
more damns than anyone.
if you move in the direction of your dreams,
your dreams will have no choice but to follow you.
chase the light.
breathe in joy.
breathe out love.
go.
see.
do.




meanwhile in Paris...



man.
i am feeling homesick.

in the last week, 8 (8!) of my friends have had babies.
that's so crazy.
spring has sprung!
i'm dying to meet all of them!!!

i'm also more and more aware of the realization that i may never have any of my own. 
which in it's own way breaks my heart.
or if i do, my kid will be a baby when all my friend's kids are going to prom.
le sigh.

i have no idea where this life will take me next,
(hopefully out of debt and into a fulfilling job/life)
but i do know one thing: i want to be closer to home.
and the people who are my home.

while it's hard not to have some baby-envy,
i love seeing my gorgeous friends blossom into pregnancy and embrace the beauty of motherhood.
meanwhile, in paris: i'm dressing models for fashion week and occasionally posing as one-
main word -'POSING'- for friends in a pinch. 
the more time i spend with models,
the more aware i am, that i am not one.
and that's just fine with me.
i prefer food & to not undress constantly in front of strangers.

sometimes though- i get to play dress up for photo-shoots.



and it's fun. 
and it's ok that i'm not married, barefoot & pregnant. 
maybe some day.





momma in paris.



this year has been wonderful.
this year has been dog ass hard.
this year has been beautiful.
this year has been lonely.

this year, my momma traveled abroad for the first time in her life.
first passport stamp ever.
best week in paris.





this is how we went to the westin for dessert drinks. dresscode, smesscode.

sup, disney.



lunch like a real amurrican.

my favorite spot in all of pari- top of the arc de triomphe.

night lights.

momma & ollieburger at the sacre couer 


notre dame.

the happiest place on earth.