mange my baguette

things i should be doing:

homework,

laundry (literally down to one pair of underwear)

cleaning my apartment,

pattern drafting,

hand sewing,

returning emails,

etc.

things i am doing:

looking through every possible picture of my nephew i can find,

missing harlow and his silly personality,

and lastly- food.

i went to the market this morning & as the lady in front of me had clearly forgotten her carte bleu (debit card), she scrambled for the change at the bottom of her purse.

and by scrambled, i mean took literally 17 minutes, casually looking from previously checked pouch to pocket.

the french do nothing- literally NOTHING- in a hurry.

after about 12 minutes, i offered the cashier 2€ on her behalf. her total was 5,31€. 

people only realize i'm not french when i try to do nice things. 

mildly offended but mostly surprised, the woman refused and suddenly produced the rest of the money. 

she thanked me like 4 times (i'm pretty sure that's a record in france), and said a bunch of other things i couldn't understand- likely, 'how rude' 'i could never' 'i'll pay for my own groceries thank you very much' 

lady. i just was getting annoyed and wanted to buy my two liters of water, one apple and dog food and get out of there. 

then it hit me. 

this cashier, whom i see a few times a week, must think i live off water, cheese and the occasional bottle of wine. 

then it hit me again.

what DO i live off of? what do i eat? i never really buy anything else. 

also, in my absurdity, i briefly thought: does wine count as a fruit?

i came home and have been looking at photos of food i used to make on the regular.

back when i had sprouts and safeway and trader joes.

back when i had money.

and people to eat food with.

it's so weird eating literally every meal alone. 

this is not how food was intended to be enjoyed.

but when i cook, cook. i wind up eating the same thing for 6-7 straight meals (breakfast included).

because, a) only one dish can fit in my mini fridge at a time,

and b) can't be wasting!

here's some food i wish i could put in my mouth:

veggies skewers in olive oil, garlic, s&p

breakfast tacos and sw hashbrowns

mmm, pasta and stuffed tomatoes

quinoa veggie salad

white bean, tomato salad :: sliced zucchini salad :: grilled curry tilapia over a bed of fries and topped with an avocado vert tapenade  

now that i'm salivating, i'm gonna go drink some water for dinner.

(jokes- i have some gummybears too).