Wednesday, May 2, 2012

we had long since forgotten..

every rare once in a while there is this moment.
a moment when time stops for a second, 
and you're a little outside of yourself (like observing a movie scene),
and you have this realization.
a realization that you've just become something you've long since forgotten you had someday hoped to become.

this happened to me recently.
last friday night my friend Andrew was house sitting this beautiful home in paradise valley,
so myself and our other friend Justin grabbed a couple movies,
grabbed some drinks and went to hang.
typically he just house sits,
but this time, the youngest daughter (a high schooler) 
had stayed home from the family trip.
Andrew, Justin and myself had poured some wine,
opened some beers and made ourselves comfortable in their out-cove.
we were sitting and chatting about life via lantern light on indoor patio furniture,
when the daughter and two of her friends pulled up the drive in a mustang.
they were bouncy and giggly and came romping into the house.

in their tiny little shorts and spaghetti strap tanks, 
they came filing into the doorway to say hello,
taco bell baggies dangling in hand. 
as Andrew introduced up,
they rapidly told us of their evening's adventure
and giddied on about a boy named 'bod'.
they were cute and polite and reminded me of a girl I used to be.
they complimented my shoes and my lipstick, 
and as they went to eat and watch a movie,
you could hear the friends comment 'he's sooo cute!'

that's when it happened.
as i sipped on my beer, subconsciously noticing how different their energy was from ours
while they filed away from the door frame,
i had this memory flash.
i was about their age,
on my annual summer trip to escondido.
i had come back from the beach and walking to a smoothie shop with my cousins,
and returned home to find my uncle and his two friends (a guy & a girl) sitting out by the pool.
they had to have been about the same age i am now.
i vividly remember thinking how cool they were.
just lounging and talking about life.
drinking wine and beers and how i longed for those days.
the days where i had grown into my skin and self a bit more.
my uncle's ladyfriend had this hair like an early Elaine on Seinfeld,
just wild and free, soft curls moving with the breeze.
they dressed different than us,
like they weren't trying to impress anyone,
and just had this aura like:
we've lived some years, learned some things, calmed down a bit.
i wanted to be them.

as i came back to focus,
i took notice.
linen couches, lantern lighting in a room of brick & window walls,
cold beer in hand,
sparkly oxfords and a patterned pencil skirt,
an inside out grey Marines tee that i had tied at my natural waistline.
red lipstick and a topknot.
guys engaged in conversation,
sharing a bottle of wine, open on the table.
talking about design and hard work and dreams.
talking about how everyone's having babies.

and i realized:
we had become what i had hoped to at their age.
an interactive role reversal.
i shared my thoughts with the fellas and they both recounted similar experiences from when they were younger.
we took a drink, 
sat in silence,
and just...felt cool.
in that moment,
this moment,
we had become something we had long since forgotten we had hoped to become.


  1. Your soul is beautiful to me. You share thoughts and accounts I long to find time to share of my own experiences. You've warmed my heart today.

  2. ^ I hadn't logged in. This is me. :)

  3. oh, thank you so. i'm glad you find warmth in my ramblings. xo.