Wednesday, May 30, 2012

find what you most need.

{you know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.}  -we bought a zoo

This year I made a promise to myself to take mini risks with reckless abandon.
Not in a way that would hurt others,
But in a way that would force me into bravery.
To speak out loud the words I’ve kept tucked away,
To travel to new places,
To put all my eggs in one basket,
To say what I want and not feel guilty or undeserving,
To make my own happiness,
To risk that nothing may change,
at the tiny possibility that something might.
facing the sorrow and loss and disappointment (come what may)
under the hope that along the way,
this journey will inform me of wholeness.
That I will find, discover, uncover what I most need.

Despite that this has been the darkest and hardest year of my life (so far..),
Consistently getting more and more difficult and scary and sad at every turn,
I’m just a fool who believes that we can make our own happiness,
And love can come easy.
That it’s supposed to come easy.
So, I’m going to keep saying ‘yes’ to the things I want to say yes to more than 50% of the time,
And ‘no’ to the things that don’t bring me life.
And for the things that fall somewhere in the middle,
I’ll keep taking today, as today, for today.
In the knowledge that today is good.

Grateful for the breath in my lungs,
Even when I wish I wasn’t breathing.
For the music in my ears,
Even when it reminds me of sorrow.
For the grace of the good people who surround me,
And love me, and carry me, and tuck me in when I most need it.
I’ll helplessly receive and freely give,
and keep taking mini risks, especially when they scare me the most.

{And throw me out the side of a plane, and I’ll just see where I land.} – Jack PeƱate