portuguese baguettes

i've been here 8 days : here are my free flowing thoughts..

paris is beautiful.

absolutely.

stunning, in fact.

even the ugliest places are pretty.

i suppose they are so, because i expect them to be.

if you're looking for something,

you're likely not to find it for hours.

if you're wonderfully lost,

you will turn corners and stumble upon some of the most beautiful things in the world.

there are hidden gardens all over the city.

where you'd least expect them.

also- the whole city smells like piss.

(truly.)

you get used to it.

i carry around a bag of mint leaves,

and rub some under my nose on the metro when it gets too strong.

there are gyros and french fries and sushi EVERYwhere-

i was not expecting this..

i'm still not entirely sure what 'french cuisine' is.

the meat is very weird here.

spongey.

as a result, i'm a temporary vegetarian.

i'm eating a lot of rice cakes.

there truly are baguettes EVERYwhere: 

in purses, on trains, in the dirty hands of little children playing in the parcs..

pigeons pecking at them on the ground,

in men's back pockets as they ride mopeds.

everywhere.

they smell great & i wish i could eat them.

i've probably walked over 60 miles, at least.

it feels great.

i miss my boyfriend.

i'm trying to be brave, at least once a day. at least.

it's hard.

i have a lifted bathtub in my apartment,

i've used it 3 times already.

it's beautiful.

the men here are very aggressive,

i pretend i can't understand them-

usually i actually cannot. 

they all say the same word to me when i pass them.

i've yet to figure out what it means.

they touch my face a lot, i wash my face a lot.

i met a portuguese woman yesterday.

we tried desperately to speak French to one another for 20 minutes,

before we realized we could both speak fluent english.

we laughed loud & deep.

she bought me a gin fizz.

she told me I was born to be Parisian- 'this, she could tell' (she said with her hands).

i asked her if i was allowed to say 'i've lived in Paris' if i'm only here 4-6 weeks.

she said, "are you alive? are you in Paris? then OF COURSE you've lived in Paris!! you Americans, you think too much, especially about other's thoughts. you want to live in Paris, live in Paris!"

i feel like i belong here.

i'm confused and smiling most of the time.

Parsons is the most lovely.

everyone knows me by first and last name.

EVERYone- even the director.

every time I walk into a room they say, "we were JUST talking about you!"

what an honor & a privilege. 

i was in an exhibition in the front entrance during orientation.

i went back when it was closed with my student ID & took lots of pictures,

so as to not appear silly.

my student visa is not going to get approved in time.

i will likely have to go home & come back next fall.

i will have to go home.

i only allow myself to cry about this once a day, 

for 3 minutes or less.

(usually on the metro, with my sunglasses on).

i've worked really hard,

it has not been good enough.

i really can't complain.

i get a 4-6 week European vacation.

i get to go home, knowing so much more.

i will learn French, save money & return so much more prepared.

(i am so sad.) 

i've learned how to open a bank account,

get a cell phone, use the metro & train & buses.

i can understand 90% of the time when people are speaking French or another language,

although i can rarely understand anything.

i can read a lot.

my sense of direction is impressive.

i feel very alive.

(and very foolish).

people much rather prefer you speak in spanish than english,

if you do not speak french..

i'm speaking a lot of franglish- i feel bad for everyone i encounter.

i'm reminded that it takes very little words to communicate.

this is a good thing to remember.

i'm taking a lot of pictures for tourists > they think i'm french : suckers.

i walk confidently.

i have no idea what i'm doing.

i drink wine out tha bottle, in my bed.

with the window open.

the air is delishhhous here. (and the tap water too!)

i have SO many bug bites (mosquitos & spiders lovvve me)-

truly at least 17+ bites right now. (i'm gross).

i eat weird 'sans gluten' things. 

and try to not starve, for my momma.

i smoke cigarettes & drink 'café' & wine. 

i'm lucky to have one meal a day- 

usually made of lettuce and tomatoes.

it's midnight here. 

i'm listening to 'local az' muzak & watching 'arrested development' 

i should sleep.

i'll be back home soon. 

(unfortunately) & luckily.

nothing good comes easy..

or so i'm told.